I wouldn't do that much for one

I had a Klondike bar and you know what? They are not that good. I was eating it and thinking 'meh'. So what would I do for a Klondike Bar? Well, I wouldn't have to do much, I mean if I want another one, there are 3 left in the box in my freezer. So I guess, get up off the couch, open the freezer, bend down and pick one up? pfft...too much trouble.

Just have a piece of fruit

Laugh of the day

When i woke up

I woke up this morning remembering I had dreams of ice cream. I'm sure there is nothing to worry about. Then I remembered a song:

"It's a beautiful day today, so whatever you gotta do, you got a lovely day to do it in, that's true"

And I remembered how my mom used to come into my room when I was little and sing this to me before cuddling and kissing me awake. Then I remembered today is my mom's birthday! Happy birthday mom!

Then I thought, oops I forgot to send flowers. Then I thought when I call my mom the conversation will probably turn to 'what am i doing with my life'. Then I thought 'what am I doing with my life'. Then I got the ice cream out of the freezer and took it to bed.

Movie thoughts but not a review

I just watched The September Issue. What a great documentary! I thought it would be this exposé of Anna Wintour, but it's really about  the wonderful collaboration between her and Creative Director Grace Coddington. It is also about the creative process and finding passion in what you do. The film got me thinking a lot about inspiration and creativity. There is this great scene where Coddinton tells us how a photographer once told her to always keep her eyes open, don't fall asleep in the car or train, because everything we see inspires us. It is also filled with beautiful clothes, beautiful locations and beautiful women, including Wintour and Coddinton, who started out as a Vogue model 40 years ago. Love seeing the origins of successful careers. Watch it!

Laugh of the day

Horoscopes courtesy of The Onion

• Aries Just when it seems that all hope is gone, you'll discover a deep untapped reservoir of hope within you which will soon be gone too.
• Taurus You've always wanted to yell "Stop the presses," but just when it looks as though you'll finally get an opportunity to do so, they'll feed you in head first.
• Gemini Readers across the nation will finally be exposed to your literary genius and scintillating wordplay now that the DOT has approved your custom license plate.
• Cancer You will make medical history this week as the first person to recover from smallpox only to die from a never-before-seen strain of enormouspox.
• Leo You'll learn too late that love and deception often go hand in hand when the eloquent stranger sending you love letters turns out not to be the real Sarah Vowell.
• Virgo The flame of true love will finally gutter and die in your soul, but take heart: The flame of too many video game systems plugged into a single outlet still burns brightly in your living room.
• Libra Nothing will seem sadder to you than the sight of the hooks that once held her photograph, but there's absolutely nothing else in the room to stare at for hours on end.
• Scorpio When you were a child, you spoke as a child, you understood as a child, and you thought as a child; so no real changes, then.
• Sagittarius Your lifelong search for a soul mate will come to an end at last when you discover it was Robert Kearns, inventor of the intermittent windshield wiper, who died in 2005.
• Capricorn You'll do your part for the environment this week when you recycle what's left of the nurses into furniture, decorative items, and innovative storage solutions.
• Aquarius Just when you think all subtle beauty has finally faded from the world, you'll remember "So Into You" by the Atlanta Rhythm Section.
• Pisces Love may mean different things to different people, but it's surprising how many definitions include heavy investment in real estate.

My old shrivelled womb

Last night I went for drinks with my gay boyfriend. He spoke about having a baby one day. I offered him the use of my womb ( i was just being polite) and he said. "I don't want your poison womb!"
Although in his defense, I was doing a line of coke off a hooker's thigh at the time.

Amazing animation

Laugh of the day

Such a heartwarming tale, his parents are so proud. sniff sniff

Scary things

So the other night I was watching Law And Order on Bravo like most fabulous women like me do every night...wait, ok this really isn't the point. So, I'm watching TV and a commercial comes on advertising 'Hannibal Rising' coming soon to Bravo, part of their 'summer thrillers' series. I know I should look away, but it's too late, my heart in my throat, I am scared. Not by a scary movie, but by a commercial advertising a scary movie.  I mean the way he looks at you through the TV with that music playing in the background! How is anyone supposed to sleep after seeing that!
I can still picture him when I close my eyes. Seriously Bravo, you know that your audience at 11pm  weeknights are single, young women, so why would you scare us like this? Our lives as single women are scary enough.

Laugh of the day...again

Ok, I know I have a laugh of the day up already but this is too good:

MIA -- Paper Planes Brentwood Redux - watch more funny videos

Laugh of the day

Today

I am a wee hung over today and I still have no A/C, so I'm sitting here sweating out the toxins and thinking I should go outside for a bike ride, since it's such a beautiful day. Or perhaps to the beach. But then I read this horoscope and now I'm not so sure...

Laugh of the day

What me, worry?

I am constantly worried that I have some incurable disease and am worried that all this worrying might be the cause of this incurable disease that I can't stop worrying about! I have been sweating for 12 hours but im not sure if my A/C is on the fritz or I am dying of some strange illness. I have been so tired lately. I slept for 10 hours last night! But then again I couldn't fall asleep for 3 hours due to my being hot from the no A/C. And I did work for 12 hours. I have a headache but then again I haven't had any coffee yet. I have a pain in my chest which could be lung cancer but then again I did those weights at the gym the other day I've never done before....

Laugh of the day

New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products

Quote of the day

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear - Buddist proverb

My name is Jenny and I am NOT a PC and Windows 7 was NOT my idea.

I had to design on a PC all day. (see photo for my reaction)
Once I settled in and accepted my fate I noticed some very interesting things that PC does. If you move your window too close to the edge, it 'snaps' to it. Highly annoying. If you select a bunch of files and then hit ctrl "O" they don't all open. Don't know why, but they don't.

So then I had an idea (insert aha music). I shouldn't work on a PC, I should stick with my Mac. My name is Jenny and I'm a Mac and Windows 7 can suck it.

OMG that's like totes profound facebook

Horoscopes courtesy of The Onion

Aries Pain will be yours this week when that Man from Nantucket finally hears all the terrible things you've been writing about him. 
Taurus You'll soon popularize a new dance craze, thanks in large part to the large, feral raccoon clawing at your back.

Gemini The stars would love to give you some relationship advice, but they're still quite tired from having all that raucous sex with your wife. 

Cancer People and places from your past will come rushing back this week, thanks to a sudden hemorrhage of the temporal lobe. 

Leo Your disdain for authority will be full display this week when you pick a fight with a handsome set of leather-bound encyclopedias. 

Virgo Mosquitoes are usually attracted to body heat and perspiration, though in your case, it's the giant mosquito costume. 

Libra You'll soon discover three new planets, a dwarf star, and two orbiting satellites—an incredible achievement for someone just trying to peer in on his naked neighbor. 

Scorpio Be sure to choose your words carefully this week as you've only got about seven of them left. 

Sagittarius You've always been handy with a bow saw, which is good news, as you've never been handy with a bear trap. 

Capricorn Either the whole thing is just one big coincidence, or they named a deadly species of blood-sucking parasite after you for a reason. 

Aquarius Your coworkers are beginning to tire of your lame excuses. Although, to be fair, that's really your plumber's fault. 

Pisces Remember: It's all a matter of perspective. See how your crippling finances look from atop that hill.

Diagnosis: old age

I went to the doctor today. I called in a panic after I went for a walk and suddenly got dizzy and had to stop and sit down. The doctor took my blood pressure, checked my ears and eyes and asked me all the questions a doctor asks. She said all my blood work from January was fine and so I said 'I am the picture of health'! She laughed and said that I should slow down my 'weekend activities' when I told her how I've been overdoing things for about a month or so now. She asked me how often do I 'overdo it' and I said 'what do you mean by often'? My friend Clare calls this 'summer' and although I'm inclined to agree my almost 40 year-old body is starting to turn against me. Of course, that said, as soon as I received my diagnosis that I was fine, I felt better instantly as I forgot to tell you I suffer from a wee bit of hypochondria. Just a wee bit... Anyone want to go for a drink?

Quote of the day

If you cannot be a poet, be the poem. - David Carradine

More thoughts on Facebook

So, I have bone to pick with you, well some of you. The some of you that I hardly know, the some of you that searched me on facebook, clicked 'add as friend' and then waited for me to 'approve' you. I did and we had many months (i think) of blissful facebook friendship. Then one day, I went to your page. Perhaps it was your birthday or perhaps I came across your name and decided to see what you were up to or perhaps I was just bored clicking around like I often do. Whatever the case, when I got to your page I was shocked and appalled that I could no longer write on your wall. It seems you have 'limited profiled' me. Hmmm. Ok.

Quote of the day

One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse. ~ Jack Handy

Laugh of the day

Book Chat with Jenny

I have one more chapter left in Emily Gould's And the heart says whatever. This saddens me. I love this book so much, I don't want it to end. Emily, a former editor of Gawker.com and current blogger and New York gal about town, writes in such a relatable way - although I suppose it's not a stretch to relate to someone struggling in career and love in the big city.  I guess now I can try to be satisfied by going online and reading her blogs and contributions to the New York Post, sigh. Call me old fashioned but nothing beats curling up in bed, cuddly and warm in the covers, with a book you love.

Quote of the day - Shakespearean style!

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words.
- William Shakespeare

Laugh of the day

Lez Chat from Tig Notaro

This old man

I went for a bike ride today and as I was coming up to the stoplight I noticed this old man on the corner smoking a cigarette. He immediately reminded me of my grandfather. I stopped directly in front of him and he looked at my tattoos and said 'nice-a picture' in a thick Italian accent which made him even more 'grandfather-like' and then he smiled. I smiled back and said 'thanks' and then the light changed and I left.

Quote of the day

How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody younger than yourself. Everybody should try it. - Barbara Pym

Old School Laugh of the day

Allergies and Doctors and I overslept, Oh my!

I hate hate hate today. That is because I overslept and that is because of these allergies that are forcing me to take these allergy pills that are making me out of it. I meant to get up at 9, but woke up at 11:30 and jolted out of bed upon discovery of said time, with extreme guilt - the kind that has my mother dancing around it, maybe doing a little tap number.

Quote of the day

I don't always end up where I want to go but I always end up where I need to be
- I think Thomas Adams but unconfirmed, so let's just say Jenny Watson

My big cucumber

I was almost embarrassed to buy this, but I did anyway.

The end is near

Since accompanying my 35-year-old friend on a few botox appointments, I have unfortunately been looking closer at my own flaws. I have never looked at my face so closely in my life and let me tell you, it is not a pretty sight. I have spent so many years perfecting myself on the inside [insert laugh] that I have neglected to notice the deepening lines on my beginning to sag face. And don't even get me started on the elasticity of skin! That discovery occurring during intimate encounters with much younger, firmer partners. I'd better get a job soon so I can use my money to attract a wife cause this girl's youth is tick tocking away ...

Quote of the day

Live your life and forget your age. ~ NV Peale

Laugh of the day

More thoughts on Facebook

I really like that you can now 'like' pretty much anything you see on Facebook. I now do not have to think of anything witty or smart to say. I can just click 'like' and you know that I am probably loling or nodding my head in agreement. Clicking that 'like' says so much more than actual words could ever do. Thank you FB for helping us to communicate even better! OMG I totes heart you, for serial!

Laugh of the day

Quote of the day

I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. - J. D. Salinger

Old School Laugh of the day

This never gets old for me. I can watch it 1000 times and still laugh.

This really should be an option

The other morning I was on Facebook and I thought 'oh I need to click that new option today on someone's status or post'. I saw the right possibility and looked below it for that 'new option'. But it was nowhere to be found and I realized it was all a dream.

Life's a beach

I almost got hit by a motorcyclist on my ride out to the beaches yesterday where I had planned to sit in the shade and read my book. This close call jolted me, my heart was pumping, it really frightened me. It struck me (pun intended) that the Universe was trying to tell me something. Something like this (I think said in a very deep, authoritative voice):

"Jenny, your life is too stress-free. You are enjoying yourself way too much. I am happy you are happy, believe me, however if you are not going to get a job, then I will have to scare you from time to time just to keep you on your toes."

And then I say "Universe, I hear you loud and clear, I know I need to get a life but can it wait until the Fall?"

And then I go back to reading my book on the beach, in the shade.

Quote of the day by Jenny Watson

The hardest part of being single is that vegetables always go bad before you can use them up.

Horoscopes courtesy of Harvey Sid Fisher

Capricorn


Aquarius


Pisces


Aries


Taurus


Gemini


Cancer


Leo


Virgo


Libra


Scorpio


Sagittarius

Quote of the day

there are two kinds of people in the world, those who divide the world into two kinds of people and those who don't - Robert Benchley

Ode to clean sheets

Oh clean sheets how you make everything ok. My life could be in complete disarray, yet, I climb into your dryer-fresh arms and you hold me and whisper 'relax, nothing matters now'. You don't care that I don't have a job, that I'm single and almost 40. You don't care that I just ate a whole bag of chips while watching 'the biggest loser'. No, you love me for 7, or sometimes 8 hours, unconditionally, with snuggle fresh softness.

Laugh of the day

iPhone 4 Video - The Deleted Scenes from Adam Scott

Freezie is my girlfriend

I will admit I am hung over today. It is the day after Pride weekend so pretty much half of Toronto is in my little boat. So after finally exiting my bed and throwing on the clothes from last night, I went to the store to get a drink. I bought an orange freezie and from first suck I was reborn, I was falling hard for Freezie, the more I consumed the harder I fell. I was euphoric - I couldn't think of anything else, just focused on my growing desire for Freezie right up until the last drop. I'm going to go buy another now, maybe a blue one...or purple.

Laugh of the day

Havin' a Summah w/ Zooey Deschanel from ZooeyDeschanel

Preventative Gay Detoxing

So Pride is upon us. And we all know what that means. A lot of substance taking and a lot of gay (whatever your pleasure). In my case, it's everything I can find. So, in preparation for this event I am doing a Pride Detox. I will be loading up on vitamins and minerals. Lots of greens, much fruit, yogurt. Going to get lots of fresh air, go for a run, an afternoon bike ride. I am going to nap, go to bed early, sleep in late. I am not going to socialize, I will rest my voice in preparation for the shouting over music and the predictable 'woo-hooing'. I am going to read quietly in my self-made reading nook. I will not think gay thoughts, not watch any porn. I will not look at any sexually provocative images whatsoever. There is a ban in my house today on dance music, in fact all music, especially Lady Gaga and The Weathergirls 'it's raining men'.

So all you gays would be wise to follow this gay detox today so you have the best Pride of your lives. See you at Pride, or not, things might be a little blurry. Happy Pride everyone!

Quote of the day - In song form

Happiness runs in a circular motion,
Falters like a little boat upon the sea
All our souls are deeper than you can see
You can have everything if you let yourself be
Everybody is a part of anything, anyway
You can have everything if you let yourself be

La la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la

— Donovan 'HAPPINESS RUNS (PEBBLE AND THE MAN)'

Laugh of the day