Trapped!

I am currently trapped inside my house. I went to go on a bike ride and found my door wouldn't open. This had happened to my downstairs neighbours weeks ago but unlike me, they have a back door to go in and out of. I climbed out my back window, unto my roof and my neighbours asked if they could throw me up a beer. I declined, but took a cigarette. I starting thinking terrible thoughts like what if there is a fire inside my apartment. I planned my route of escape off the roof. I figured I could jump and might sprain my ankle, but wouldn't burn to death. I could throw out all my bedding, towels, etc and jump unto that. Or, I could teeter along the fence like a cat, then down to the backyard table and to safety. Ok, I should be fine, but what, pray tell am I to do with myself now? Help!

I'm growing and changing and changing and growing....and getting paid for it (a little)

I got paid today from Google Ads for this blog. You know for clicks on ads. It only took 15 months to make over the mandatory $100 before receiving payment. I started thinking about those 15 months ago and what my life was like when I started this blog. Well, I was unemployed, with A LOT of time on my hands. And now I am self-employed, with A LOT of time on my hands. I was single. I'm still single. I was stressed out about what I was going to do with my life. Today, I'm less stressed. Back then, I had a lot of 'thoughts' about things that I felt I should get out. I was unsure of myself and those thoughts. And today, I probably have a lot more thoughts, I'm still unsure about them, but I care a lot less. In fact, the less sure I am, the better the post. Letting myself be a little vulnerable [online anyway] has been good for me. I feel like I should do something to mark the occasion. Champagne? Take my blog out for a nice dinner? How does one mark this frivolous, trivial milestone? I guess I'll just continue sharing my thoughts until I reach the next payout and let you know what my life looks like then. Stay tuned, it might be something.

Goes both ways

Ever since I 'broke up' with my friend, I've been paying more attention to the friendships I currently have. Are there anymore break ups I need to initiate? I'll admit that I have been jokingly telling some 'be nice or I'll friend break up with you!' However, I've been noticing that I am being slowly broken up with by a few. I mean, they are not being blunt and telling me it's over, but come on, I really haven't seen some of them for awhile and one is not returning my texts. Hmmm. Could it be true? Is it possible that I, Jenny Watson, could be sacrificed so easily? Was it something I said? Something I did? I can change, really I can! [Oh hang on Blog readers, I just got a text.] It's from my friend, the one that wasn't returning my texts! And she wants to hang out tonight! I guess I'm not dumped after all, just neurotic and paranoid, in other words, my normal self. Yes!

Laugh of the day

Remember when I used to post funny videos of things that were funny? I want to do that again. I saw this episode of How I met Your Mother the other day and this scene made me laugh out loud. It also reminded me of something I might do and you know I gots to make it all about me! Enjoy.

You got to know when to hold em....

I broke-up with someone yesterday. I did it quickly, a few paragraphs via email and sent it off. It had been plaguing me for awhile. We had grown apart, we didn't 'get' each other anymore, it was time to move on. Oh, I didn't mention that this was a friend break-up. Now I have had many, many, MANY friend break ups before, but usually I'm the one being broken up with. It has hurt, i would say some have hurt more than romantic break ups. Often it's mutual, in time we just drift apart, phone calls become less frequent, hang outs go from once a week to once a month to just commenting on each others Facebook status to nothing. Sometimes it's really dramatic and painful when suddenly all the stuff you've done wrong through the years is thrown in your face and there are tears and voices are raised. Sometimes you are betrayed by someone you thought was a friend and the hurt stays with you forever. But usually we don't actually 'break up' with friends, I mean, we don't say anything. We just avoid that person, turn down their invitations, find ourselves always 'busy' until it just naturally fades away. This is the first time I've actually broken up with a friend, I mean, actually said something to the effect of 'this friendship is not working for me'. Maybe it's because I'm experienced, been there done that, or just too old to waste time on people that don't fit with me. It reminded me of something an old friend of mine once told me. He had read this article about a famous actress who had fired her agent for being slow to get her a part. He said, “Can you believe it? The woman makes her famous and rich, and this is how she repays her!” I thought about it and replied, “I don't know, I understand where she’s coming from. I mean, if a relationship isn’t satisfying, why pretend to be happy?”

La Belle Époque of me

Today I got on my bike and rode through the hot, hot heat and went to see a matinee. I walked into the theatre and went straight to the top, back row, right under the projector. I was early. No one was here, not yet anyway. I thought, life is sweet, life is sweet! I like to be early when seeing a movie. I remember a few years ago being out with my girlfriend at the time. We walked by a theatre and she noticed that the new Woody Allen, Vicki Christina Barcelona was playing. Come on, come on, she urged. But it was starting in 5 minutes, I said. There isn't time! She forced me  — which was a good thing — and I, panicking, followed her lead into the theatre. Thankfully we made it before the coming attractions started, whew! Today, here I was seeing the latest Woody, Midnight in Paris. It was a perfect choice as I wanted an escape and this movie was all about that. The main character, a writer (of course), finds himself transported to '20s Paris. He hangs out with Hemingway, Dali, Picasso and Cole Porter to name a few. It's basically about the illusion people have that a life different from theirs would be much better. I thought what is my golden age, my Belle Époque? Where would I want to go? When would my life be better? At that moment I didn't want to be anywhere other than having just seen that movie. When I left the theatre I was disoriented and was half hoping it would be raining, as there is something sexy and inherently romantic about the city in the rain, which if you've seen the movie you will understand. But it wasn't, it was bright and the sun was beating down as I jumped on my bike and slowly peddled back into my world.

Friday night at the Legion

Last night I went to my good friend's 40th birthday party. Another friend of ours had rented out the Legion — who knew? I got on my bike and immediately regretted it as the humid air started wreaking havoc on my freshly washed body and styled hair, but I pushed on. I arrived just after 7pm to a beautiful setting on the water, a harbour full of boats — again, who knew? I went to the bar and ordered a Heineken. $4 — who knew? I gave him $5. I drank several $4 Heinekens, and ate many samosas and cupcakes, then danced them all off. Here I go, here I go, here I go again...Girls, what's my weakness? — Men! My friend acted as DJ and as the night wore on and the more drunk everyone got the er, transitions between songs got, well, sloppy. 'Seamless!'— my friend shouted after one such transition and we all laughed. Suddenly it was after 2am and time to hop back on my bike and head home. GULP. I took all the side streets up, weaving through beautifully quiet areas, took a few wrong turns but didn't care as my $4 Heineken-ed body needed the wake up. I rode by some people sitting, drinking on their porch. They shouted out to me 'hey, you're hot'! Which I'm pretty sure in hindsight was sarcasm as I WAS wearing a helmet. But at the time I thought 'oh yah, you know it!' and rode on. I neared my house and turned into the driveway, stopped and in getting off my bike, slipped and fell over, my bike landing on top of me. I lay there for a minute, then looked up into the sky, raised the one arm not trapped under my bike and quietly mouthed the word: seamless.

I got a [gut] feeling

Sometimes one has brief moments of clarity while completely intoxicated. One such moment happened to me this Pride weekend. Picture it: Toronto, 2011, The Churchmouse and Firkin, 145am. I met my friend and filled her in on the events of my night up until this point. We then got talking about our lives, what's been going on in them, etc. She said to me 'The difference between you and I is that you don't listen to your gut feeling about people. You always try to see the good in people, even when there is none'. I thought about what she said, while drinking my 'last call' drink. I realized that she is right. I've met people in my life, a few in the last few years, that I had a gut bad feeling about but worked hard to ignore because it was convenient for me to cause they were sexy, or we had a ton of mutual friends and they were just always around. But when I look back, after they have flaked off, or stabbed me in the back or what have you, I remember the feeling was there from day 1. I never trusted them, I thought there was something 'off' about them. I was right all along! I'm so smart and intuitive! So, the question is what to do when I have this gut feeling again? Do I ignore this person completely? Do I nip our budding relationship in the bud? Do I stop sleeping with them? Do I just take from them what I need, not caring about their needs? Is it not human nature to give people many chances? And how many chances are too many? But the real important question here is: why can't everybody just be more like me?