What condition my condition is in

I went for a chest x-ray this morning — I HAD MY REASONS SO JUST SHUT IT — anyway, I left my house at 7:30am, hoped on my bike to make it for the 8:00am x-ray place opening. What a beautiful time to leave the house, who knew! No traffic, a cool breeze as the sun was not yet shinning it's hot, hot rays. I weaved through the side streets all the way from Landsdowne to Yonge Street, cutting through Yorkville, oh hello rich people, arriving at the x-ray place. I checked in and sat down to wait. I barely got to the masthead of More Magazine — a magazine celebrating women over 40, which at first I thought how will I relate to this, then realized, oh right — when the doctor called my name. "Mrs. Watson. Mrs. Watson". I figured he meant me as there were only 2 other people there and 1 was male. I picked up my bike basket and went through to the changing area. The technician said of my bike basket 'oh, I thought that was a baby' as he ushered me into a changing room 'here you go Mrs. Watson'. I told him it's Miss, he didn't seem to care. I wondered if it was a sign, the Mrs, the baby, the over-40 magazine? I left wondering, thinking and walked out the door and banged right into this old man — oh my god, I'm so sorry, so sorry. He looked at me, smiled and said 'that's ok young lady'. And I was back to normal, so to speak.

I hate it when I can't 'like things'

I will admit that although I'm pretty free with my opinion, sometimes I do hesitate to make comments/like things on facebook. Mostly on friends posts that I may have dated/slept with/crush on, etc. I don't want them to get the wrong idea, I don't want them to be thinking 'oh gawd, Jenny is SO into me' or something to that effect. But I have a hard time controlling myself in these situations, cause the comment is on the tip of my tongue, sometimes I even write it out, then read it and just close the window or refresh before I hit return. I hate being stifled this way, but even I have some boundaries. How annoying.

No pun intended....I swear

I got caught in the rain riding my bike home from work yesterday. My first reaction was to pull over, seek shelter, wait it out, which I did. I stood under an awning, wiping water off my cheeks, watching other cyclists and cars go by. I took off my rain spotted sun glasses and put them in my basket. I suddenly felt lonely, felt small. I thought, fuck it, I'm just gonna go for it. I got back on my bike and at first rode slowly trying not to get splashed from my fender-less back wheel up onto my behind and back. Bikers started passing me  — I sped up a bit — and could hear the whirring sound of water coming off my back wheel and onto my ass. I sped up more. I saw a huge puddle and started to slow down and then thought, fuck it, and rode through, water splashing on my feet, on my thighs. I felt so free, the wetter I got, the freer I felt, my shirt clinging to me, water dripping off my face, like a kid again when you don't care how you look, don't care what others are thinking, I was free! Sure, I would have eventually got home by taking the slower route, the safer route, but I wouldn't have had as much fun! When you throw caution to the wind and just let yourself get wet, well, that's when it really starts getting interesting.

We've been hacked!

One of the jobs I have is designing for this monthly, lifestyle magazine. I go into their office 2 or 3 days a month to do this. Yesterday, I was there and as we worked, our printer kept spitting out pages and pages of, well, nothing. This nothing changed into wingdings, the wingdings got bigger and bigger to the point of only one wingding per page. A large club, then a heart — ok, um, what are they telling us — gambling? We should go to Vegas? Then a large 'non-smoking' sign. — Hey, I quit already, what more do you want. Then a bunch of shapes that made up a fish, a dead looking fish — ack, is that a threat? Wait, I don't have any fish. Then a cat, then just the word 'weekend' with a question mark after it. Yikes! Then we get a poem, actually a song, written by the hackers telling us about how they have been 'exploiting your security since 2002' with a picture of a boat made up of their name (which I won't say here cause, of course they are watching me, like for sure). We then got this message: WE (on it's own page) KN (by itself) and OW. YOWZA!!! We googled the hackers and discovered their site, the Love Boat theme played as a welcome — you know keeping with the boat theme — and we were suddenly put at ease with it's catchy tune. The last messages we received were about 20 pages of email addresses from Fox's X-Factor. That was my cue to call it a night.

This hypochondria is really starting to make me feel sick

So, I've been seeing my doctor a lot in the last few months. You know, cause well I've had a lot of symptoms of stuff, symptoms that when looked up online suddenly become A LOT more serious...but I digress. So, this morning I was in my doctor's office, bright and early. When she walked in I said 'you must be sick of me by now'. She replied 'not yet, you'll have to try harder'. That made me smile. Then I proceeded to tell her of my latest ailment which she diagnosed as 'nothing to worry about'. I told her 'I don't know why I'm such a hypochondriac. Maybe it's from watching too many Woody Allen movies?' She laughed. I realized though as she filled out a form to order me an x-ray to put my mind at ease, that I am just this way. This is what makes me, me. I have such a wild imagination that sometimes imagines such wonderful, beautiful things and other times, such negative, ugly things. So, if I lose one, I will surely lose the other. However, good thing I live in Canada, cause I have a feeling I wouldn't be such a 'hypo' if I was footing the bill. Spending too much money makes me anxious.

Online shopping

I know many women on the online dating site. I see their little thumbnail and — hey girl, hey! Do I click on it? But then they will see that I 'viewed them'. But I'm oh so curious! hmm, I definitely have a type, which, although I was somewhat aware of before, is now painfully obvious when presented with a screen full of little pics. I won't go into what that is though. Hmm, she looks cute — click. Hmm, she looks nice — click. Hmm, those boobs look nice — click. I'm still finding it weird and detached and wonder if my profile is really getting ME across. I didn't have anyone edit it after all. There are some women that really could use an editor or therapist. And I am still amazed at how many manage to bring up their cat/s in the one paragraph they write. Although I brought up cats too, how not fond of them I am. Hey, might as well weed out the cat ladies before I get a glimpse of their long legs, or ample cleavage or youthful face. Oops, guess my type is 'out of the bag'....so to speak.

The online quest begins....again

I haven't forgotten that I'm supposed to be online dating. I apologize for my tardiness,  I know you are all waiting patiently for my online exploits and I do not like to disappoint. So, here goes. OK, I'm doing it. I'm up and running, I'm looking at people, they are looking at me. I am getting messages — I have yet to send any messages though. How do I turn people down? Do I just not respond? Or do I act coy? Or do I flat out say I'm not interested? I don't want to hurt anyone, virtually or otherwise, what is the etiquette? And what if I am interested in someone that messages me? What do I say back? Do we meet right away or do we chat a bit. I'm not getting any younger you know. I've already made a few errors, such as clicking on the 'meet me' feature, which allows you to, I thought, give the site a better idea of your 'type' but really sends messages to the people that you deem 'attractive' — Sneaky. I know this because when my picture came up in this 'meet me' feature, I, of course gave my gorgeous mug the highest accolades and then got an email saying I wanted to meet me. I feel like in the real world, when meeting people, if I fuck up I can say 'sorry, I fucked up'. But here, there is no one to listen. I guess I could change my user name to 'sorry_I_fucked_up', but I have a feeling it's taken.

I know muffins

This morning I went to my favourite coffee place to get my morning wake up. I was hungry and needed a little something. I asked 'do you have any carrot muffins'? The woman replied 'no, but this one, the morning glory is carrot based'. I said 'hmmm, um, no, I've very choosy about my muffins'. And we laughed.

I like this! As often as possible.

I often get people saying to me 'I usually don't comment on people's statuses but this time I couldn't help it'. Now, of course I'm flattered by this but I'm also disappointed to hear that people don't comment often on things. I mean, these social networking sites are much more fun when we engage with each other. I like engaging! So much! It's fun! In fact if I have engaged with someone a few times and they don't engage back, well, I've been known to delete them. Now people think that it's harsh that I do that, but it's not like I'm actually deleting a person, although imagine if it did????  I am just deleting a link. A dead link really. Plus I get deleted all the time and I am, well, lets just say, active, so that's worse. It's really nothing personal, it's just if you don't want to play with me, then I'll go play with someone else.

Finishing things

This morning I went to make coffee. I opened the cupboard and grabbed the box of coffee filters and pulled out the last one. The box was finished. This made me happy. I think I even said out loud 'oh, good, I've finished the box'. Then I asked myself 'why does this please me?' The feeling is one of accomplishment, like I succeeded in drinking enough coffee, thus depleting my supply of filters, so I now have to buy new and start the process all over again. Whoa — starting new, processing, success, accomplishment— this is just a little too heavy for a slightly hung over Sunday morning. Another cup please.

And my day begins

On my way into work I pass this 'salon' called Beauty Jenny. Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit tired or low, I look at the sign and I think, ooh yah, that's right, gurl! You got it going on sista! Baby, somebody better call God, cause he's missing an angel! ooh weee you some kinda beauty, Jenny!
And that is how I start my day.

Rage on dude

Ooh, I forgot to tell you...
The other day on my ride into work I saw the most interesting thing go down. This Mercedes SUV cut off a cyclist. The cyclist rode by him shouting 'watch out next time'. The man in the SUV stopped, got out of his vehicle and started chasing the cyclist. Unfortunately, he forgot to put his car in park and it rolled backwards into the car behind him. At some point, he realized and ran back to his SUV, the cyclist long gone. He got in and pulled over as the guy behind him did too, presumably to exchange insurance information. I wonder how he is telling this story? I have a feeling he's leaving some parts out.

Eggs, they do a [every] body good

I'm a terrible egg cracker. I never can make that clean break. Now, I don't eat eggs often, usually a weekend thing — you know when I have a little more time to eat a leisurely breakfast, read the paper, sip on coffee — I am currently having such a morning. I was up early, I decided I was too groggy to go for a jog, so instead, I put on a pot of coffee and grabbed a couple of eggs from the fridge. When the water was making it's bubbly sound, I knew it was time. I tapped the egg a couple of times on the side of the pot. It made a little crack, but not big enough. *taptap* a few more times and *TAPPPPP* — ok, here we go, oops, some got on the stove, but most made it into the pot. WHEW! Just breathe, just breathe. Ok, egg number two, I won't be so gentle this time. *TAP* *TAP*,  I try to grab both pieces of shell as the egg topples into the water, bits of shell swimming around the pot. I realize, as I watch the yellow of the yoke seep out slowly, filling the pot, then hardening, that my egg cracking skills are a kind of metaphor for my life skills. I never blindly just 'go for it', so many of my emotional decisions are filled with agonizing analysis, much trepidation. So of course when I 'go for it', which I inevitably do, I'm bound to get some shell. Of course my yoke always breaks. I need not worry so much! I shouldn't be so scared! Confidence Jenny! That's it, next weekend or perhaps even tomorrow, I'm cracking that egg with one swift TAP and not looking back.

Check this!

I really don't care for the 'checking in' applications. You know what I mean: 'blah blah is at blah blah with blah and blah'. It's really just another way of making people feel not included. Oh, and also, I don't care where you are. Sorry, I just don't. Oh, and also, why not just enjoy where you are with the company you are with instead of getting on your blackberry or iphone and 'checking in' the first place. Think about it.