Kylie's back and she's slutty!

I wish I was on THAT street

Belinda says it better than I can

Except I didn't lose a lover in the war, but otherwise Belinda is speaking for me.

thoughts on last night

1. I sang kareoke 'don't stop believing' at Slacks
2. I ate a hamberger AND a hot dog
3. I had countless Coronitas. They may be small but they do count as a drink. I know this to be true because when one was stolen from our bucket, I got mad.
4. I had multiple 'i really like you' conversations. Some, I admit, I started.
5. I don't remember
6. I almost had a piece of pizza on the way home but had enough common sense to realize that was crazy, considering the hamburger and hot dog consumption earlier.
7. When I got home, I swept my floor cause it was too dusty by the window for me to be able to sleep.

This has been 'thoughts on last night' by Jenny Watson

douche

I've been thinking about the word douche used as an insult. Why is it an insult? A douche gets to go to pretty exclusive places.

Devine wine

I went to a wine tasting party last night. Everyone had to bring a bottle and we tried all the wines and then rated them. 12 bottles were tried. 12 bottles were opened. 12 bottles were finished. I had a lovely time.

Better than 'dramatic chipmonk' you decide...

Dramatic Bieber from Justin Bieber

Licorice babies

I just got back from Kensington Market where I picked up a few things. One thing I always get are Licorice Babies. I just love them! I asked for some and the man weighed them out. I payed and upon exiting the store, he called out 'enjoy your black babies!'

Day at the nude beach

I went to the nude beach today on Toronto Island. We drank beer, ate sandwiches and critiqued penises. I got a lot of sun, and we swam! On May 27th! Unbelievable! Then I noticed all this algae on my breasts —  oh well...What a great day. I love my life!

Off to the Island for the day

Play this while I'm gone

Recap of Amercian Idol from Jenny's perspective

What a Motley Crew on American Idol tonight! Hall and Oates! whoa... The bee gees? Michael McDonald?... Chicago? what year is this again? Did I plan this line up in grade 6?

I did enjoy the start up Alice Cooper number with everyone in private school outfits, but that's not a surprise. The duet between Alanis Morissette and Crystal Bowersox of You Oughta Know with the 'safe for tv' lyric 'would she go down with you to the theatre' — classic.

Then comes the manipulating moment: Bret Michaels comes out to sing every rose has it's thorn. I fought to hold back the tears.  A tribute to Simon Cowell included all the past idol's returning to the stage in song. A puffy Kelly Clarkson, a 'who is that', another 'who', Carrie Underwood, and a few other 'i don't recalls'. I didn't understand many things. 'Pants on the ground?' Guess I missed that episode. Then Janet Jackson's boobs came on stage and I started to enjoy myself, 1 hour 42 minutes in.

So, then it ran over time and I had to turn the channel to Showcase's Secret Diary of a Call Girl. I went on twitter and found out Lee won. I'm not sure why I watched this show — what can I say, I'm a mystery! See you next season!

this 'humid ex' is a huge bitch

It is 31 degrees out! And it 'feels like' 38... I am muggy. My skin is sticky. My back is sweaty. I am thirsty. My ring is too tight. I'm getting super freckly. I love summer!

Glee and the gay

I thought I liked Glee, but I think I have been brainwashed by the 5 years of working with gay men. I'm just now starting to come out of it now and realize this. I'm not that into show tunes, I don't think Kathy Griffin is that funny, I don't think Joan Rivers looks 'good for her age',  I am not a gay man. I am not a gay man. I am not a gay man.

skin tags

Every time the Skin tag remover commercial comes on, I get the creeps. I apologize to people that suffer from this — apparently common enough to have a commercial in prime time — ailment.

inch marks vs quotation marks: the ultimate battle

I can't stand when I see inch marks used in place of smart quotes. I blame the internet because you don't see smart quotes used for screen based design AND I mostly blame Adobe for letting people think they are 'graphic designers' cause they can use the magic wand tool in photoshop. My panties are bunching!

The joys of central air

Can I just tell you how wonderful it is to come home, all hot and sweaty from biking and walk into a temperature controlled apartment? Oh how wonderful it is to be an adult! Finally!

Summer dress...

makes you more beautiful than the rest...



oh man how I love summer. The bike ride to work freckled with women in summer dresses, left, right, all around me. I'm in love today.

I feel like the one on the right

Had a bad sleep last night, could really use some Photoshop Day Cream today.

thinking is SO random

Quitting smoking is the new smoking and pin #'s are the new phone numbers

forgot to eat my vegetables today

Today my friend and I went to the park and drank beer. The cops came at one point and were lovely and didn't take our drinks. We then got on our bikes and continued the drinks on a patio. I ate fries. I now have this amazing intoxicated, tired, lots of sun euphoric feeling.  I should eat a carrot or something.

urg my head

I am hung over and now I have to go to an afternoon kegger. May the lord be with me.

Life is short, don't be an asshole

With the news of the untimely death of Will Munro, I remind you that life is precious and short. Be kind to each other. Let go of unhealthy things, people. Live in the moment cause that might be all you have. Love.

High School confidential

OMG I have a hickey. I hope the Principal doesn't see it and I get a detention!

Laugh of the day

Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out. This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side.
— from Annie Hall

sloths really are sloths!

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

May 20th Rant #2

So I'm doing my quick catch up of the job boards and I just wanted to let you know that if I see one more 'graphic designer' job that pays 10 dollars an hour I'm gonna...well I'm gonna...well I'm... not going to do anything but I will find it annoying and probably make a face at my computer. Something like this:

hot hot hot

wowie it was a hot one today! I love riding my bike to work, feeling the breeze in my face or car exhaust, either/or. I'm shocked though at the way drivers treat cyclists. I mean really. They are encased in metal and I have rolled up pants and a helmet. This is not a fair fight. Were they not young, single with a low income ever? Before they settled down in suburbiaville did they not zip around on some beat up 10-speeder? How quickly they have forgotten. It's the same as when people treat retail employees like crap when 10 years ago they were selling the same crap and being treated like crap. whew...that's my rant for today. I need a beer. Ta!

Dog parks would be more enjoyable if they had a bar

After work I looked after an adorable dog named Finnigan for a few hours while my friends drywalled their new house (yes, they are lesbians). I took him to the dog park where he frolicked with all the little dogs for an hour. I found myself watching the dog owners mostly and was happy to have my sunglasses with me so I could spy on them secretly. Then we came home and finnigan passed out from all the playing. I told him that it was now auntie Jenny's time to play as I poured myself a large glass of wine. I think I understand my parents a little better now.

You're gonna make it after all

I'm off to work today. No, I didn't get a job, just working on the next issue of IN Toronto. So I won't be blogging. Ah the life of a working single woman, just trying to make it in the big city.  [side note: tv theme songs used to be a lot longer, i guess when our attention spans were longer to tolerate them]

Oh that coffee is such a ham

Whenever this comes on, I just feel so happy!! New character, Garlic! This is just so cute!

i love freezies!

I usually take juice boxes and freeze them and then scrape them with a spoon. I call this delicious treat Scrapies.
But....

I bought Freezies today! Blue are my favorite. When you see Freezies in the store, you know summer is here!

gaga gaga

Check out some great (and some so-so) Gaga remixes.
Go hear Gaga

I got the beat

I just went to the gym and I forgot my ipod. At first I was devastated but I went to work out anyway. I used the sounds of the gym to motivate me. The whirl of the treadmill, the grunts of sweaty men puffing away, my own breath. I found a beat and worked it out! oh snap!

It's official, I am old

Today is the 30th anniversary of the death of Ian Curtis. Oh the memories of me listening to this song, holed up in my room furiously writing in my journal about how no one understands me, my jet black dyed hair covering my face, a sign on my door saying 'do not disturb'.

Ad content

I've been following what ads google chooses to put on my blog. They are based on the content of the blog. Today, there are ads for Canesten, a vaginal yeast infection medication. Yah, that's right google...i said yeast infection and vaginal. What you gonna give me now, huh? huh?

I believe I can fly

Last night I dreamt I could fly. I was flying through the clouds, saying hello to all the birdies in my path. I looked up what the dream meant and this is what it says:

If you are flying with ease and enjoying the scene and landscape below, then it suggests that you are on top of a situation. You have risen above something. It may also mean that you have gained a different perspective on things. Flying dreams and the ability to control your flight is representative of your own personal sense of power. Undoubtedly these dreams leave you a great sense of freedom.

That sounds about right :)

Botox and Diabetic comas

So, today my friend asked me to accompany her to Mississauga to get some botox. Of course I said yes!
So, off we went. She went in for her appointment and I waited outside staring at my reflection in the crooked picture on the wall,  thinking about what I should 'botox'. Suddenly I hear the doctor say to my friend 'you're ok, you're ok, you're ok' and I bolt upright. I listen at the door holding my breath for what feels like 20 minutes, but later learn was only 10 seconds, waiting to hear something from my friend. She is fine. Seemed she passed out, something about the heat. She came out of the room and let me tell you...she looked fabulous!

On the pole

So last night my friend Cat put on this pole dancing recital where she taught 4 people the art of pole dancing. I didn't know what to expect,  I guess I was expecting an amateur show but what we got was a sexy, fun night. I can't wait for the next show!

Then of course I partied til 4am cause I have no self control and am now hungover on a Monday morning when I should be getting a job, my mother's voice in my head yelling at me, the guilt eating me alive... Well...tomorrow I will be better :)

Stripper's are always in vogue

Off tonight to a good old fashioned pole recital. Just like my grandma used to attend when she was my age.

I have a Woody anticipating the New Woody!

"My relationship with death remains the same as ever," Allen quipped at the press conference. "I'm strongly against it."
You will meet a tall dark stranger: REVIEW

My Neighbour

So my upstairs neighbours have this dog. Who for 6 months has been waking me up every morning — and often keeping me up at night — just by being a dog. You see, the walls and ceilings are very thin and I can hear everything. I'm pretty sure he is auditioning for the circus, maybe doing those jumps through fire? That's what it sounds like anyway. So, what's my point — you might be saying? Well, they are moving out! No more circus dog! Hurrah! Knowing me, a couple of tap dancers will move in.

Facebook security

So when you go to post a link on your wall or someone else's wall, facebook requires you to be able to read and re-type a couple of words for security purposes. I think it's a test to see if you are drunk or high, cause even when sober, the words look like they are written in Arabic. Here's the one I got, for example. I think we should have this for all interactions, not just on facebook. This would stop any drunk dialing, drunk texting, drunk going up to and ex in the bar and making a scene. Think about it. If we had to pass this test before we acted, well, the morning after would not be as painful.

It's a beautiful day!

What a gorgeous day! I remember when I was little my mom used to come into my room in the morning and sing 'it's a beautiful day today, so whatever you gotta do, you got a lovely day to do it in that's true'. And smother me with kisses. What a heartwarming story. The perfect story to start your day.

wine before (and during) 'Nine'

I'm cracking open the wine and watching 'nine'.

The end of an era

Law and Order has been canceled after 21 years on the air. That's a long time. To put it in perspective, that is longer than my last lover has been alive. And to put it in even more perspective, I've seen every one of those 21 years of episodes.

I have a healthy ego

I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. It is strange, cause I'm unemployed, single, approaching 40 fast, but yet, I can say with total honesty, I have never liked myself and my life more. I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm reading all kinds of books, cooking, riding my bike all over the city. My life would be complete now if I only had a job and a relationship. ;)

Ordinary People

So I stayed home tonight and watched the movie, Ordinary People. It's from 1980 if you young ones don't remember. It still holds up, I cried 2 times. I thought Donald Sutherland as the dad was beautiful. He reminded me of my dad. I did find myself noticing things that have changed from 1980 to now. Like the mom handing out candy apples at Halloween, the smoking on the plane, the mom jeans. It's interesting cause when I watch a film from the 50's or 60's, although I notice differences between then and now, I think if I didn't live through that time — if I don't remember how it was because I was not there — I notice it less. Well, it's less distracting I guess. I process a 50's car for example a lot quicker than a 90's portable phone, or dos computers.

CPR lessons we will all pay attention to

Super Sexy CPR from Super Sexy CPR on Vimeo.

Mussels and vino

So I just made a pound of mussels and finally opened that wine I bought last year in Niagara. I was saving it for a special occasion, maybe a date...but god knows when that will happen, so I opened it. It's delicious. And besides, my new way of living is not to save things for 'special occasions' cause I might be dead before then.

Oh and the fact that mussels look like female genitalia is not lost on me. I then had a Cherry tart for dessert...perhaps I do need a date.

Crystal Castles + Sigur Ros = amazing!

http://hypem.com/track/1097809/Crystal+Castles+-+Year+of+Silence

Tattoo's and nice girls

When people see my tattoos, they think I'm a bitch. But really I'm the sweetest girl! So in summer people treat me much differently than in winter. I should probably do a study about it or something but I'm too busy being unemployed.

my life or a fictional television show

I absolutely love Cougar Town. I admit that I relate to it far more than I would like, but it has me laughing out loud.

Damages

So I just finished watching season one of Damages. I'm pretty sure it's not the best choice of show for someone with trust issues. I basically am suspicious of everyone now. But man, what a great show!http://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/originals/damages/
I hear season two is not as impressive...should I bother?

oh ps: still need a job

Ok, so I have like a zillion job boards that I check everyday. But please send me your links of what ones you check. You never know, it might not be on my list.

Great new music and remixes

http://hypem.com/#/

the state i'm in

So, it's been almost 3 months of unemployment. that. is. all.

I'm here, I'm queer, I drank too much beer

So last night I went out on a bit of a tear with my old friend who just moved here from BC. We began drinking at 4pm and didn't stop til 2am. The last place we hit was Crews and Tangos. I was excited cause I had not been since the renovation. It looks exactly the same.

Welcome to me!

Well everyone I finally succumbed to this blog thing. Seems I am über popular on facebook and that people want to hear what I have to say. I'm not sure why. The terrorists probably have some idea but whatever is it, I'm happy to oblige. Stay tuned for some stuff about some stuff which is mostly meaningless but somewhat humorous.
xoxo jenny