Friendship, cocktails, doubt, oh my!

Last night I went to my neighbourhood bar where a good friend works. I sat on my usual stool, exchanged some pleasantries with my friend, squeezed a lime into my promptly delivered vodka & soda and then took a sip. Ah. I needed that. The bar was busy, my friend had little time to chat so I got on my phone to see what people were up to. I needed to be entertained. I messaged another good friend to see what she was doing. She told me she was at another bar playing trivia. Then messaged again asking if I wanted to join them. I got sad. I felt unloved, insecure. I thought, why didn't she invite me earlier? We always went to trivia together, I thought this was our thing? By the time I got there, if I went, it would be almost done. So, I politely declined but continued to feel sad. I confided to my bar-tender friend and took comfort in my cocktail. I was in a rut and continued in this self-imposed rut into my second drink when I decided to message her again and ask how come she didn't invite me? She messaged right back saying she was with people that I didn't know, old friends and that I shouldn't be sad. And suddenly I wasn't. I understood. I wondered why I wasted almost an hour being sad, I should have questioned her right away. She sent me another message saying next time she would be more reassuring. I laughed out loud, and replied back "well, now you know better!" Then I looked at my bar-tender friend and said "Barkeep, I'll have another!"

40

The other night I met this woman. At some point during our conversation, I asked how old she was, as I inevitably do. She said 29. She asked me the same question. I took a breath, then said 40. She barely flinched, but looked at me and said 'really?' but I didn't buy it. I said yah. She bought it. I took a big gulp of my vodka soda. Um, hello? I look young...that's what everyone says. That's what everyone has said for years. How dare she digest so smoothly my 40 year oldness. pfft. I mean really. I took a breath, excused myself, went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. How did this happen? My whole adult life people have constantly told me how I look younger than my age. I always shrugged it off, oh please! You flatter me! OH psshaw! You're silly! I mean really! Stop, just stop it! And in one night, it all came crumbling down. My first impulse was to share an intimate bath with a toaster. But I then I thought about it. I realized that this was a relief. Now I can let those white hairs that are showing up in my hairline show, I can stop doing shots at last call, I can stay home on Saturday nights and watch SNL and I could stop pretending that I understood Nicki Minaj. I was finally free! I'm 40, I feel 40 and I look probably somewhere around 35 ;)

Emoticon rescue

The other day I made a faux pas. A text faux pas. You see, I got a text from this woman, a woman I don't know well, in fact we only met once and we spoke professionally, although there was an underlying chemistry. When I responded to her text I ended it with a winky face emoticon. Yikes. I meant to use a happy face emoticon. I didn't mean to flirt. I could have flirted — I mean, I might have wanted to flirt, but I'm not sure. It was too soon, it was out of context, it was too forward. And now it's not like I can text back saying 'hey, I typed a winky face, but I meant to type a happy face, so....'. That will just make things worse. So, now I wait, wait and see if it goes unnoticed, or noticed. Maybe I will tell this story on our wedding day? Maybe this faux pas is cupid working his mysterious ways? Or maybe I will never see or hear from this woman again. And maybe, just maybe, I'm ok with whatever happens next.