Social Media 1, Jenny 0

I ran into this woman last night that I've had a crush on forever. This woman is not on Facebook — for whatever reason — she isn't. So, I only know her from the last time I saw her, you know, like in the olden days. She is the kind of woman that makes you feel like a 13-year-old boy. The kind of woman that makes you feel nervous and shy and insecure, the kind of woman that feels 'out of your league'. In all my previous encounters with this woman, I've kept my distance and when we did communicate, I made sure to keep it short. One time we were on a dance floor and she danced up to me and tousled my hair and all I could do was stare at the ground like some nervous teenager. I got so shy, so soft. For those of you that don't know me, I'm not usually this way, if I like someone I will make a play, do something, make a move, put myself out there, but this girl, I don't know, she is different. But last night after some encouragement from my sober friend, I made a play for her, to no success, in fact if you were there blog readers, well, you might be embarrassed for me. I'm embarrassed for myself, but for the sake of story telling, I will go on. It was like I asked her out, then quickly talked her out of it. Yes, I had had a few cocktails at this point. It's all sort of a blur now.... So, I wandered home, tipsy and alone, oh wait, I hailed a cab after a couple of blocks because it was cold. As I stumbled up my steps, I couldn't help but think if she was on Facebook I would know more about this woman. Have some background on her that could make me more successful or if by knowing that background might make me not interested in her in the first place. And maybe I feel this way about this woman because I don't know if a cat playing with a turtle makes her smile or if she cares about shit that girls say. Running into her was the only shot I got and I blew it. I can't post something cute on her wall now, can't write something witty that makes her laugh. She can't see how cool I am, she only knows the awkward, shy Jenny I present to her. As I unlocked my door, I thought about the days before Social Media. We had to listen more. Pay more attention to in person encounters — interpret signals. And perhaps that was more interesting. Then I thought, maybe it's just me — then I ate a piece of toast and went to bed. This morning I got up, wrote this tale and posted it in hopes that you will all still love me.